Friday morning I met up with Beetlejuice at 8 am, he was in a great mood grabbing his manager Michelle’s ass and laughing as he gets in my car. He said he needed to go to the store for some smokes. So I told him to get me 2 packs of Marlboro Lights and he’s all, “OK, you got it, my man, I’ll take care of it.” He comes back and hands me 3 packs of Pall Mall 100’s with a lighter stuck to it. I said, “What the fuck is that? What happened to the Marlboro Lights?” Whatever, at least he’s not rubbing my ass and giggling.
We grab the Great Iron Shiek on our way passed Philly International and then we were off to Virginia. It was literally 3 hours of Beetle telling us how his wife likes when he sticks his whole hand in her ass. Yeah, she loves it, she must because he only stopped talking about it long enough to tell us all how the White House isn’t really in DC as we were passing through.
Finally we got to the hotel and by this point I really needed to get away from Beetle. So I went outside for a smoke but he followed and I noticed there was a pool. It was icey, dusted in snow and covered with some beat up tarp. I looked at Beetle and asked him if he wanted to go swimming - “Sure. I got no shorts. You got a pair for me?” I told him to ask the lady at the desk. She told him to come back in June and Beetle says ok I think I’m gonna be around here then.
Before the shows I pretended to go to sleep so I could be by myself for a minute. A week ago I was in Vegas eating wings out of some of the hottest asses in porn. The crowds in Virginia were great, don’t get me wrong, it’s funny what goes on week to week is all.
The next morning we got up and headed to my club. It was me, the sheik, Beetle and Shuli. Beetle taught us how to play poker. I didn’t know a flush beats a flush flush and to get a flush all you need is a king but Beetle says he’s a Poker World Series Champ and I believe him.
I showed the boys around my club, they were very impressed. We had a nice lunch and Beetle folded t-shirts we sell at the shows, guy must’ve worked in a sweat shop cause he’s good. I’d like to send him to Malaysia to sew soccer balls. He’d be some kind of all-star over there with his tiny fingers.
So, I figured a way to get Beetle not to drink anymore at the shows because last time he was drunk he tried to kill Sal the Stockbroker. I told beetle let’s make a bet, I’ll give you 100 bucks if you don’t drink tonight.
“You’re on, I don’t drink I get a dollar.”
“No, Beetle, a 100 dollars.”
“You’re on, mother fucker.”
So, we had 2 kickass shows and sung karaoke with the fans after. I gave Beetle the $100 that I’m gonna lose to him at every gig now. It’s better than being called an asshole by a drunk, 3 foot, black midget. Beetle is the best, if you get a chance go on his website and hire him for a private event - you will remember it for life.
Listen to Miserable Men this Sunday with our new co- host Al Rosenberg, along with Shuli. See ya next week, I’m gonna host the shows at my club this weekend and then next week move into my new place with my fiancee, details to come…
-The Reverend Bob Levy
You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.
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