So, this week really started Thursday at the Stern show where Teddy and Artie had a big fight in the studio. When it was all said and done Artie said he resigned.
It broke my heart when I heard. Artie is a good man and a fun person to be around, one of the most talented people you will ever meet. I hope everything works out and that he’ll back on the show Monday when they come back from vacation.
Then I was off to the airport heading to Kalamazoo, Michigan for the weekend. (I shit you not - Kalamazoo.) Got to the airport early, I didn’t have my seat assignment yet but the flight attendant tells me it’s a window seat, only spot left on the plan. I was excited until I made my way down the aisle and saw not one but two of the fattest bitches I’ve ever seen. The nightmare from the week before has come back and doubled.
I’m standing there in disbelief and they’re staring up at me with this look in their eyes like I was a waiter holding a big, fat plate of pork in my hand. I sheepishly motioned that my seat was against the window. As these 2 humongous airbags tried to squeeze themselves out I knew I was in for another shitty flight. I knew better this time so I quickly got in my seat and grabbed the seat belt and buckled up before Betty and Crocker could sit back down.
After we all squeezed in I felt like I was in a barrel about to go over Niagra Falls. They were snacking on something in a bag the whole flight. I lost feeling in my legs somewhere over Ohio, the twinki twins could have chewed them off and I wouldn’t have even known. I don’t mean to come down of fat people so much but there are just so many of you. And I’m not talking to the folks who are sporting muffin tops or spare tires and I try to leave alone those poor bastards with slow metabolisms. But for Christ’s sake you obese fucking country, stop eating. Just stop.
Landed in Detroit, walked out to get my ride and of course it wasn’t there. I stood out there for about 35 minutes before my ride came. When I asked him how far it was to Kalamazoo, he put up 2 fingers and I said, “Cool, 20 minutes?” and he told me it was two HOURS.
So we drove in the rain for 2 hours, I finally got to my hotel at 9:15, three hours after I landed. I get there and couldn’t get the TV to work so I called the front desk. There are 2 remote controls in the room and the girl said, “Do you have the little one in your hand?” So I say, “Yeah, now let me get the remote”. She told me how to fix it and I watched TV until about 1 AM before passing out. I woke up at 2 in the afternoon and watched “The Deadliest Catch” marathon all weekend.
Friday’s show was a little light because there was a tornado warning. The late show wasn’t that busy and they had a bunch of babbling cunts in the audience, there’s nothing like a bunch of women at show, they even need attention at a comedy show. They were yapping while the other comedians were up and then I had to yell at them as did the second comedian at the end of his set. It was a fun weekend, I had a 10:15 am flight and another 2 hour drive to Detroit so I had to get up at 6 AM.
Basically got 2 hours of sleep and didn’t even time to jerkoff, the hand towel was calling my name and I wouldn’t listen. Got home, got to hang out for a bit then I was off to NY to do Miserable Men. I had to host it this week because Shuli was in Amsterdam. Being that Shuli is a pothead, it was his Disneyland. We had a great show and I’m looking forward to next Sunday.
I’m doing 3 benefit shows this week. Thursday with Artie Lange at his old high school for a fallen firefighter, Friday and Saturday at my comedy club in Levittown, PA.
See you fuckers next week.
-The Reverend Bob Levy
You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.
Also Check RevBobLevy.com for all show dates, and info.