“I thought there would be more leg room.” Jesus fucking Christ, old people, deal with it.
My girlfriend was gonna be on a later flight so I waited and rented a car until she arrived. When my girlfriend finally landed I couldn’t find the car in the parking lot and didn’t even know what the fuck it looked like. We walked around hitting the fucking door opener thing until we saw lights flash. At least it’s warm down there.
Boca’s nice but everyone there is old. Really old. They call me “kid” there, it’s also the only place in the world where I’m the hottest guy at the pool. That night; dinner with my friend Anthony Monte and his lovely wife Kim. It was Outback for us, baby. I love beef that’s hardly cooked and super bloody which is ironic because my girl’s time of the month came around the same time as my steak. We had a fun night and thanks to Lexapro I pound her for at least an hour HaHaHa! That night the room looked like OJ Simpson broke in, I felt bad for the maids so I left a 20 for her.
Next morning I had work with Kidd Chris till 10 so the little lady hit the mall. Thank god she’s not one of these chicks that drags their man everywhere by the balls - I’d chew off my own unit if I had to spend every weekend in a mall or a bake sale or (god forbid) church. So, she went out and I went to the pool to tease the 70 year old broads.
Then it’s off to the comedy club, the New York Comedy Club in Boca on a Friday. It was a lot of Stern fans and a lot of old fucks who got free tickets from the club. The name “Levy” has most of these people expecting a nice Jewish boy. And man, I was really on fire I mean every show this weekend I killed it. One lady’s jaw kept dropping like she was getting ready to suck some blue ribbon zucchini, so of course I go at her. I said, “What’s the matter, you thought I was gonna fucking juggle for you all night?” She grabbed her purse and told me I was no Seinfeld. To that I say good, his live show sucks. Besides I like my fans to have more then a 3 year shelf life, so get the fuck out and take your Centrum with you, hag.
Now I told the owners, for their own good, wait till I hit this certain bit at the end before you start dropping checks on people’s tables. But the fucking cunt waitress couldn’t wait to get outta there and bang her illegal, dishwashing, boyfriend and started passing out bills ten minutes into my act. I went off on her from the stage. “No more drinks, ladies and gentleman but make yourself comfortable; I still have two hours of jokes about my wrinkly balls before I eat chicken wings outta somebodies ass.” The owner say they do it that way because sometimes people walk out. I told him to put some one by the door, asshole.
Besides having a great show and hanging with good comedian friends I wouldn’t return to that fucking club. The bouncers are the owners and they’re in their late 60’s. A fight broke out with an employee and 3 guys about the check. Oh no, someone might lose a denture.
So, I went over to the 3 guys that wanted to kill that bitch waitress, they were Stern fans, and I said, “Dude, let it go, it’s over” and I hugged them and they went on their way. I hate clubs that think they know what they’re doing. That’s why I’m opening my own club, read more about it on RevBobLevy.com.
It was a fun trip and I learned almost all old people really wanna have fun but some just need to complain. I’ll bet you that whole fucking room of octogenarians talked about me all the way home, at dinner the next night and after 60 minutes on Sunday. So, fuck you Florida, I win again.
Tip of the Week- Never give an attention whore any attention. My girlfriend is the only woman not trying to ruin my life, basically.
Oh! P.S - I’m up for Best Comedy and Best Non-Sex Performance in a porn at the AVN awards. So thanks for that. Means a lot.
Savanna is up for an award, too. She’s the best and that girl has her head on her shoulders and I love her for that.
You know, the studio won’t even fly me out there for the show. Good move dudes, you’re being cheap fucks with a guy that not only has his own radio show but regularly goes on 4 of the biggest shows around. Good work, guys. It’s gonna be great radio for me. I make my living doing comedy, you make a living fucking people and you’re not even in the scenes. Just when I thought the porn business was kind of cool, they prove how a multi million dollar company needs to save a grand.
If I win you can shove it up your fucking asses. I did this for fun, you did this to get Howard Stern’s name on the box and I wouldn’t let you. I hope your daughters end up in your movies.
See you Next Week!
-The Reverend Bob Levy
You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.
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