The weekend started with a bunch of us going to a Halloween Party hosted by Mutt from The Stern Fan Network. The money raised went to Alex’s Lemonade Stand and cancer relief for kids. It was a big ol’ party with people from the Stern Show and some employees there and a bunch of fans who I mostly didn’t know and knew less since they were in costumes. Slutty costumes, so, at least there was something to look at.
After that we swung by the Scott Ferrall Show to promote Howard’s Party on Saturday. He’s got a sports show on Howard 101 from 8-12 Monday - Friday. He’s a great guy and the show is insane. It’s like watching Mick Jagger doing his thing on blow; he’s flailing and screaming and sometimes he forgets where he is. If you love sports, check him out.
On Saturday me and Yucko the Clown went shopping for costumes with our girlfriends. Shopping with women is like getting fist fucked by Patrick Ewing. It was raining and women take forever to pick out anything, I’m sure at least one of the sales people hung themselves in the back waiting for our girls to make up their minds.
I ended up getting a pimp outfit because I’m a fucking tool. I wore everything but the big stupid hat and walking the streets of NYC I got a lot of “Hey look its Hugh Hefner!” What the fuck? I look like an impotent old man in his pajamas? Why’d I even buy the costume? I look like that every other day for free.
Two street rappers come up to me, “Here’s 2 CD’s, Hef. Check us out, Hef.” They were looking for donations, so I told my girlfriend to give them 10 bucks since my fucking pimp outfit has no pockets. Then they hit me with, “It’s a separate donation for each CD.” Being an aging Jew surrounded by Run DMC, I gave them a twenty. Trick -or- Treat.
We made it to the party and like I said before, I quit drinking. Instead I popped two Xanax and sat there like a fat chick at the Playboy Mansion. We stayed a few hours and then got something to eat and headed back to the hotel so I could dump a load in my chick and pass out like bum in a warm subway.
By Wednesday I had recovered from my orgasm but I had to stay home and hand out candy to all the fat, ungrateful kids in the neighborhood. They come to the door in their dollar store costumes looking for a hand out. I gave two pieces of candy to each kid and most of them just stood there with their bags open, looking up at me like some zombie Oliver Twist asking for more. One of them greedy little fucks actually recognized me “Hey, it’s the dirty joke guy!” - Thanks for being a fan of shit/piss/midget jokes, kid, have an extra Snickers.
Tip Of The Week: How to pick up fat chicks - If you’re in a slump go fatty hunting, it’s very easy. They’re usually around late at the clubs, all you have to do is rub a little bacon grease behind your ears and maybe a little on your chest. They’ll follow you out of the club like you own a hot dog cart. Main thing is don’t let your friends see you leave with them, they’ll think less of you and never let you live it down.
Have fun fuckin’ them fatties you, fat fuckers! Talk to you next week.
-Reverend Bob Levy
You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.
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