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Your women - all women - are masturbation fodder for me. It’s a bit creepy, I know, but it’s true.
This weekend I performed at Uncle Vinny’s Comedy Club, where they have the best food and the youngest, hottest waitresses. After a killer set on Saturday I met these two lovely bar rats. They wanted a threesome but I turned them down; either I’m really in love or just too old cause I’d rather satisfy myself alone than worry about disappointing two women.
I told Howard Stern as much on Monday when I swung by the show. I jerk-off to his producer, Robin Quivers, and his fianncee , Beth Ostrosky. Sometimes at the same time. Sometimes one after the other. Howard understands. He chalks the honesty up to my new found sobriety - month and a half without a drink. I think it has more to do with the Lexapro and Colonazepam I’ve been swallowing by the fist full.
We talked about what a mess I was and how drunk I would get. In the middle of this I realized I haven’t fucked a fat chick since i stopped drinking. I’ll still jerk off to a fatty if you happen to go out with her though.
While I was in the studio they had me face off against two Polish chicks in a spelling-bee. If these two girls didn’t have their looks they’d be in a bread line somewhere. I lost, but who cares, I ended up beating my meat to them too.
When I got back to Philly I jerked off so hard a pillow fell off my futon, which I sleep on in my ex-wife’s basement, and landed on the space heater where it almost started a fire. Scary shit, one minute I’m choking my chicken and the next I’m just choking.
Tip of the week- Women only wanna fuck you when you’re in a relationship, so bring a decoy or wear a ring and trick them -OR- take a mental photograph and save for wanking at a later date.
Next Week: Hollywood!
-Reverend Bob Levy
You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.
Original Post from HotMovies the Blog
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