The vast majority of people aren’t worth my time. They do stupid shit and think they’re cool for no apparent reason. So here we go with the top 10 things that automatically make you an asshole in my book: (editor's note:Please Click on the picture for hilarity. Also, Adam Schleichkorn is very cool.)
10. Adult Men Wearing an Earring or Earrings - Grow up buddy. This may be cool for 14 year olds, but any 40 year old guy sporting an earring in his left ear or 2 earrings or whatever else he’s trying to pull off with this look is simply ridiculous. You look like a schmuck- now take that shit out of your fucking ear and tuck your shirt in.
9. Guys With Ponytails - This has been a long standing fact of life that you just can’t trust any guy with a ponytail. Unless you’re a Vegas magician, there is no reason to rock one of these. Especially if you’re bald on top, Ronnie C.
8. Guy with Bleach Blonde Hair - C’mon dude. Why is your hair bleached blonde? I’m a natural blonde, and I’m stunning, but you’re just a freak who thinks this looks good for some reason unbeknownst to me. It doesn’t, you’re horrid.
7. Smoking Cigarettes at a Dining Table - I’m eating, and I didn’t order stoges. Put you’re Newports away, and have some God Damn courtesy. How about next time you’re eating, I take my pants off, jump on the table, bend over, spread my cheeks, and blow a wet fart up your nostrils? Ya like that?
6. White People Dancing Poorly to Shitty Hip Hop at Nightclubs - This is even worse when the culprit is over 30. You’re not cool, you’re a loser. Another character desperately in need of maturity, this person needs to stop doing blow, look for women his own age, and go home and read a book. You’re not 18 anymore, dickhole.
5. Driving While on A Cellphone - Alright, I am sometimes guilty of this myself. But we all need to take a lesson from Safety Guy Adam Schleichkorn and get one of those pussy earpiece things. Let’s keep it safe, people.
4. Text Messaging - This is not a valid form of communication, especially not for long conversations. If you have anything more to say to me other than “OK,” I don’t want a text message. Which leads us into…
3. LOL, OMG, and any other Stupid Fucking Abbreviation Shit That only 10 year olds should be Participating In - This is terrible. Please stop; also, the phrase “Owned” needs to go. I’ve only been reading what people write on YouTube and these other sites for a short time now, but I’m already very annoyed. I’m old, and I don’t approve of this new lingo.
2. Adam Schleichkorn - I think we’ve all had enough of this guy and his shenanigans. You’re not funny, you just look funny.
1. Wearing Sunglasses Inside - I’m obviously not talking about Jack here- he gets a pass (this is his signature look, afterall). Poo Doody and the rest of the ugly lot who won’t take their sunglasses off inside need to be banished to some unlivable island somewhere east of Manhattan. There’s no sun in here, there aren’t any bright lights, and everyone knows you’re hideous. So stop with the charade and lets see those peepers; for all we know you could be sleeping under there like you’re name was Homer Simpson.
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