Before we begin- I may sometimes be inconsistent with the frequency of my blogs- too bad. I will not be made to feel somehow insufficient by one Adam Schleichkorn and his media machine with their mudslinging ways. Contrary to what you may have heard, I am an extremely busy individual. That is to say, I got a lot goin’ on. You don’t know me, so don’t try to play me. Words have been spoken.
10. Benjamin Katz (Dr. Katz) - Ben was Dr. Katz’s good-for-nothing, utterly unemployable, awesomely funny son. His business schemes peaked with his in-home pot-bellied pig venture, and he never looked back.
9. Space Ghost (Space Ghost) - I think Space Ghost is the only cartoon character to have an actual talk show/late show. And it was gold. Talk to anyone who spent the majority of the 90’s in a smoky haze and they will tell you that the motley crew of Brak, Zorak, Moltar and Space Ghost was providing some quality entertainment.
8. He-Man (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe) - Make no mistake about it, He-Man was straight gangster. When I was a kid, it was He-Man, Inspector Gadget, and everyone else had to take a back seat. Damn, I done snuck the Inspector into the party ageen!
7. Fat Albert (Fat Albert) - Hey hey hey, it’s Fat Albert rolling in at number 7. A fat guy who runs shit? Who’da thunk it?
6. Eric Cartman (South Park) - South Park has so many great characters, but Cartman is obviously one of the best. While I’m on the topic though I gotta throw Satan in here, because when he makes his appearances he also makes the show (and the movie).
5. Bugs Bunny (Looney Toons) - Bugs is an original; his trickery and cross dressing provide a solid lesson for children worldwide, and his diet will keep him healthy for ages.
4. Donald Duck (Movie Star Extraordinaire) - Fuck Mickey Mouse; Donald Duck runs the Disney Empire, and has done so since day one. The best thing about Donald Duck is that he’s extremely underhanded, always an admirable trait.
3. Fred Flintstone (The Flintstones) - There would be no Homer Simpson without Fred Flintstone. He had a hot wife, a cool pet, and his car ran on feet. How can you top that?
2. Mr. Garrison (South Park) - Curveball- Mr. Garrison as the closeted homosexual in denial who taught his class about old sitcoms is just ingenious on so many levels that I can only graze the tip of the iceberg. His commentary on women, poon-tang and various other hilarious topics provide some of the all time great carton quotes. Thank God they made him a man again, so he can lash out at all those gay bashing homos.
1. Homer Simpson (The Simpsons) - Ok, you may say that is a safe choice at number 1, but so what. Homer is the greatest cartoon character on the greatest cartoon of all time. You know what they say about the MVP in basketball- that’s the same reason Homer deserves to be here. Name me one other show that started off with a main character (Bart), and then realized that another character was pulling all the weight and switched the whole dynamic of the show to feature that character. You can’t, can you? That’s what I thought.
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Dan Taft Tuesday, May 6, 2008 Dan Taft
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